GWYGH, Ep. 003: The Glow of Christmas... and Murder (Janine's Notes)

/

For our very first Christmas episode, we watched Black Christmas (2006), which was a mistake. While watching the movie, Janine took notes on the plot as it progressed. Basically, these notes are a stream of consciousness as Janine watched this movie, some of it copied from messages that she sent Kate during her torture. 

  • Starts with jazz music
  • Old mr. kringle
  • Zoom in on a snowglobe, drinking wine
  • HER NAME IS LEIGH?!?!
  • She looks like the girl from scream
  • Now that’s a damn pun
  • Music stops just in time for the closet to flutter with creepiness
  • Something… under the christmas tree……. Someone?
  • Fuck me
  • I jumped
  • She got a bag over her and stabbed
  • I don’t think they decorate the psych ward like that …. Also he dropped some milk
  • He wears a santa hat as he gives food around
  • Of course the milk he dropped let someone break into the psych ward
  • The guy who starts reciting the bible when he opens it
  • “This ain’t no place for santa claus, not at christmas”
  • The security guard dares him to poke his head in
  • Tastes like chicken… because it is chicken…..

 

  • Yeah but it’s not any time. It’s christmas!
  • I gotta be with my sorority sisters
  • “I’m your family now” uh.

 

  • Jingle bells plays

 

  • Raining hail the size of god’s ballsack
  • "that sucks everyone should be home for christmas" with just absolutely no emotion whatsoever
  • WHO ARE ALL OF THESE PEOPLE?!

 

  • “I’d like to bury the hatchet with my sister. Right in her head/”
  • Why would a patient get christmas lights, or candy canes
  • Because he killed his mom and family on christmas, it’s themeatic
  • Yeah they actually give accommodations for that it’s true

 

  • He goes in to check the room. Leaves the room open. Sure why not
  • christmas is just darwin, the weak get eaten? what the fuck does that mean?

 

  • Random few seconds from a tape

 

  • What a roomy sorority hall
  • Hey does anyone in this fucking movie just turn lights on?

 

  • UGHHHHHH EYE GORE
  • AND CREEPY SEXUAL SANTA

 

  • Buying a christmas present for a serial killer

 

  • Goes on a long rant about how christmas is pagan

 

  • Gives billy’s backstory… this story is ordered really poorly
  • His mom hates him - “santa claus is dead, the russians shot him”
  • Mom gets new bf, bf kills dad with a hammer
  • He learned his MO from his mom’s bf
  • The mom and bf bury the dad under the house
  • Boy sees it and runs up to the attic… mom locks him there

 

  • “I think someone’s in trouble!”
  • Um there’s like heavy breathing and weird voices. It’s just a pervert

 

  • They’re all freaked out by this one tall christian girl in the sorority
  • “Eve”
  • She gives the other girl a crystal unicorn with a gigantic horn that will DEFINITELY be a murder weapon
  • “I know you like the bible and stuff”

 

  • Mom fucks the bf on the stairs but he’s asleep so she goes up to see her son in the attic
  • So she fucks her son? And has a baby nine months later?
  • She fucked her own kid. To have another kid. To replace him. What teh fuuuuuuck

 

  • Another creepy phone call, from megan’s phone
  • Flashback to christmas with agnes and mom, agnes has cute lil chubby cheeks but her mom is as creepy as ever
  • Ugh more eye gore (he eats agnes’s eye)
  • He kills agnes, kills the bf, kills mom with christmas lights
  • Makes christmas cookies by using the cutters on his mom’s skin
  • UGH they were so GROSS and chewy and GROSS

 

  • They get a christmas present from billy to the sorority
  • It’s the present box from his christmas… with agnes’s doll.

 

  • He put tapes on the ‘net
  • Yeah go investigate the tiny hidey hole. That’s smart and safe

 

  • “I didn’t hurt anybody” YOU ILLEGALLY
  • FILMED GIRLS HAVING SEX WITH YOU THAT’S TERRIBLE

 

  • He just pokes holes through the tiles for peep holes cause that’s how that works
  • Watches the drunk girl take a shower

 

  • Don’t just go investigate under the house when you hear weird noises
  • Let the cops do that

 

  • “Fuck you Santa Claus” after a jump scare

 

  • she, of course, gets killed under the house, right by where the father is buried

 

  • Calls from dana’s cell, crying out
  • They check the girl’s car, her head falls out of it

 

  • They argue about leaving or not, the house mom decides to leave
  • The girls decide to stay so that if the others come back it won’t be to an empty house
  • The house mom and the girl die in the car - the girl gets killed by billy in the car and the house mom gets killed by an icicle
  • Slammed with an ice skate ugh gross
  • The drunk girl tries to kill billy with the unicorn but he kills her instead, which like, goddamnit, just let one of ‘em win

 

  • Very 2000s to actually care about ringtones and text like “u @?”

 

  • Like your sister is definitely dead, 100% dead, you’re way too optimistic
  • He tries to go up into the attic and gets bagged and thrown up into it which isn’t really how gravity works unless this dude is ridiculously strong
  • Ugh he uses the eyes as christmas ornaments and poses the dead bodies up by the trees
  • Forked in the gd eye
  • Must be agnes cause the fork got a fake eye

 

  • She gets trapped between the walls and billy is there too
  • So clair’s sister starts destroying walls to get her out

 

  • The medical examiner is definitely gonna die, he’s supposed to be identifying the bodies
  • “It’s christmas, jerk”

 

  • Yeah cause that’s like… a possibility. Just living through that fire and shit.
  • She hears them crawling around the ceiling after whatsername goes for xrays
  • Leigh gets her neck snapped by agnes
  • Kelli fuckin electroctures the shit out of agnes

 

  • Nice he gets impaled on a christmas tree

 

  • In the youtube comments
  • “This is my #1 favorite horror movie” girl. Pls.